I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
