You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
