I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
