I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
