Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You are a genius and a whore.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
