I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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