Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
