I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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