well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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