Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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