i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
