remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
