I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
