I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
