i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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