I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
