A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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