Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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