Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
