I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
