How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Quick, to the slutcave!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
