Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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