the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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