I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
