so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
