I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
