When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
