My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize