i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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