Sponge bath it is.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
