I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
