ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
