I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
