I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize