just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
