They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
