In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
