my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
