Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
