so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
