Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
