so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
