If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
