let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
