actually, I'm a sock model
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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