My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize