He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
