3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
