I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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