I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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