um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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