You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
did you just send me my own nude
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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