the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
