Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
