do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
