when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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