sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pants are for mortals
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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