i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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