so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
