you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
