i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
