My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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