who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
