When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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