Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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