My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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