It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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