As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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