1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize