So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
