Banned from zoo.
Again?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
