He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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