I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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