first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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