wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize