My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
