I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
