i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize