I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
