i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
