Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
