Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
