God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
