he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
