Kareoke will never be a sober sport
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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