I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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