I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
