i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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