I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
