My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
